Sunday, January 10, 2010

I miss my baby!

I made it through my first week of student teaching. The hardest part was being without my baby so much. It got to the point where I was second guessing teaching because I felt like it wasn't worth being without him like this. Maybe I could change my degree to something that doesn't require so much commitment? I don't know... is it worth it to have come this far and then quit right at the end?

The answer to that question is probably really obvious to most of you especially, because Max is being taken care of by people who love him most. That does give me some peace of mind. I guess it's more me. The feeling of coming home from a long day of being without him and then he doesn't want anything to do with me for the first ten minutes makes me so sad.

I know he's in good hands and I'm so grateful to my family members and friends who have and will be making sacrifices to help me earn my degree. I wouldn't be doing this if I had to send Max to day care or have someone I don't know watch him. It's because of all of the wonderful people in my life that I'm able to do this. Thank you Mom, Brenda, Soin, Lizzy, Sheilia, Emily, and Camilla. I love you guys. Thank you for giving up your time and energy to support our family and contribute to me earning my degree.

I'm just having a hard time because I've never been away from Max so much. I usually spend pretty much every minute of every day with him. It's so hard! Ugh.

I'm gonna try to be strong. I know he will be great with everyone. There's only 12 weeks of student teaching left. I can do it! Right?


EmilyCC said...

This is SO hard! I hope this doesn't sound like cold comfort (if it does, just ignore :) )... after working for almost a year after Asher was born, I think I'm more able to appreciate having the choice to stay home and enjoy my children more than I would have if I had always been home.

Still, those days of missing him, feeling behind on everything in the house, phew! I admire you so much for getting this done!

(And, Luke and I are excited to have Max hang out with us soon!)

Our Paper Plates said...

You can do it! I wanted to quit at the very end of school too. I didn't have a family but I was working full-time and caring for my parents who were ill at the time. It was stressful, but I can honestly say that I do NOT regret plowing through it and getting a degree. Nothing feels better than to finish getting an education. YOU CAN DO IT! :) I know we live on the other end of the universe, but let me know how we can help!

The Marquardt Family said...

Hang in there, you can do it! We all love you and max soo much. He knows you love him and I am sure he misses you he just is having to much fun with all the new faces. Keep going! You inspire me! You are doing what the Lord as asked us women to do, you are getting your education..... You are such a great mom. Just think after this you are REALLY DONE!! DONE DONE DONE!!!!! Love you lots

The Mortons said...

We are so proud of how far you have come and what you soon will accomplish. Max is proud of you too! Just remember that long term gains usually involve short term losses. We know that Max really misses you, but don't think for a moment that he loves you any less. You are a wonderful mom, which is why you are working hard on completing your degree. Hang in there, keep your eyes on the prize, and know that you have a lot of people rooting for you, especially Max, Mike and your new baby in your belly. We love you and know that God has great plans for you and this is all part of his plan!

Chris & Emma said...

Bianca! how are you!!?? I found you on mikes page. looks like you guys are doing great! if you dont mind i'd love to add you on my still fairly new at this but ours is :)